Out of Harms Way, Part 2
Out of Harm’s Way, Part 2
At the Community College of Vermont, students studying the impact of child abuse and neglect are hearing about the problem firsthand.
“My name is Cathy… I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.”
Cathy did not want her face shown but did want to share her story.
“I was raped by my older brother starting at the age of 7 and ending when I was 12 years old,” Cathy says.
Five years of abuse Cathy tried to stop when she was 10 by telling her parents.
“They told me that I must be mistaken and nothing had happened,” she says. “I learned to not trust my instinct or my body and that no one would be able to help me except myself.”
So at 12 she fought back. It stopped her brother’s abuse.
“One of the tipping points was I realized what was happening,” she says. “I had no idea what was happening to me. I had thought that was completely normal, that’s how all brothers treated their sisters.”
Cathy says there were signs of abuse; she had health problems like bladder infections– a result of too much sexual activity– and her attitude changed from happy to depressed.
“I have to wonder to this day, didn’t any of the teachers ever notice?” she asks.
“We have to be bystanders who will pick up the phone, otherwise children will be abused,” says Linda Johnson of Prevent Child Abuse Vermont.
Johnson says that includes relatives, neighbors, and friends. Johnson knows people are scared to speak up but it’s key because 90 percent of kids do not tell about abuse. And in almost every case adults near the situation say in hindsight they thought something was wrong.
“There is so much fear I think about getting somebody in trouble, falsely accusing, losing a friend– and all of that is real, but it’s not as real as the pain and suffering that occurs when sexual abuse happens to a child and we could have done something to prevent it,” Johnson says.
CUSI– the Chittenden Unit for Special Investigations– deals with sex crimes against children.
Sgt. Art Cyr says it’s difficult for kids to tell.
“It’s embarrassing and very hard for the kids,” he says.
They investigate hundreds of cases a year, but Cyr knows there are more.
“The cases that we do get I think we do a good job on and we work hard and we continue to work hard, but there is a tremendous amount of stuff that goes on that never gets reported to us,” Cyr says.
“I think one of the common threads in my story is people responded badly; that I constantly reached out and got ignorance and hatred,” Cathy says.
Back at class, Cathy is answering questions about her abuser – her brother.
“He admits to doing it,” she says. “He doesn’t remember a lot of the details– this is what I’ve heard– he’s blocked a lot of it out apparently, but heaven help him when the memories come back.”
Reporter Kristin Carlson: Have you forgiven your brother?
Cathy: I would say I’ve forgiven myself and that I have let go of the anger and hatred I felt towards him.
The Women’s Rape Crisis Center organized this talk to spread awareness and prevent sexual violence.
CCV student Jason Forster says it is a lesson that will stick with him.
“Absolutely,” he says. “100 percent.”
Student Kellie McNayr agrees.
“This is real. This is happening in people’s homes. This isn’t stranger danger. This is happening in families,” she says.
Most children do show some outward signs of abuse that adults can look out for. Those include major emotional changes like changes in personality, also health problems like stomach aches which are a sign of anxiety and often times children will regress by wetting their pants or their bed. And one last point– and maybe the most important– experts say trust your instincts. If you get an odd gut feeling about something they say that’s enough to call and report abuse. And it may seem difficult to do but experts say it could save a child because in every abuse case adults say in hindsight they thought something was wrong. And if someone had called the abuse could have stopped sooner.
To report abuse anonymously to the state — 1-800-649-5285.